For many of his formative years, Darren Hayes believed—truly, madly, deeply—that he was unlovable. That was the message he was being delivered from all angles: from family members, from his record label, and from society at large. His new memoir, Unlovable, is Hayes’ attempt to confront these feelings and close the proverbial chapter on a very tumultuous period of his life.
Writing a celebrity memoir was never really on the cards for Hayes. Of course, if he so wished, the seasoned entertainer (and former lead singer of Savage Garden) would have more than 30 years’ worth of dirt to dish on his peers. But that’s not his M.O.
“I’d never planned to write one. I don’t like them,” Hayes tells Not Safe For Queers. “There was just a really serendipitous moment during an interview in England. I was shown a photograph of me when I was 10, and I was asked to describe what was happening on the other side of the lens. And what was happening was a home life of extreme violence, a school life of extreme bullying—and this terror, this unknown, this ‘gay plague’.”
From this interview, Hayes was swiftly approached by publishers interested in hearing more about his story. Ultimately, the singer-songwriter agreed, and what Hayes has captured in Unlovable is the powerful story of a queer man growing up in the 70s and 80s living with trauma, suicidal tendencies, anxiety, and depression.
“I just hope that if someone reads this book, it’s not because they’re expecting to hear backstage stories (though there are some). This book is evidence that someone like me—from Logan—can achieve their dreams and also navigate mental health challenges and badly violent and traumatic experiences and come out the other side,” he says.
More than that, Unlovable is a celebration of Hayes’ life, and a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.
“Unlovable is this central negative self-belief that I had about myself my whole life. I felt, not only at the most intimate level in my family, but also at a societal level, that I was repulsive, that I was totally unworthy of love, that I was disgusting,” he admits.
“And I know a lot of queer people get trapped into this illusion that we’re less than and unlovable. We, as a community, sometimes take on board all of this horrible projection…So, I want it to be somewhat of a cautionary tale, but also a reminder that we’re all much more resilient than we think we are.”
Now, after having candidly told the story of his life, Hayes is itching to open the door on a new phase in his life.
“It’s really lovely to close that book. It’s like tying a beautiful knot on a wonderful box of memories. I get to move on. I don’t have to carry any of it anymore. And I’m really, really grateful for that,” he says.
“That was the first half of my life, now this is the second half…and I’m excited by that will happen next.”
Darren Hayes’ memoir, Unlovable, is out now.
If you or someone you know needs support with mental health or family violence, you can call QLife on 1800 184 527 or 1800Respect on 1800 737 732. In an emergency, dial triple zero (000).